Random Thoughts

Morgan and Sophia are out of school for the summer. Rachel still has another week left.

So feeding therapy has been sucking lately. I was planning on quitting Rachel's current therapy, but then she decided to throw me a curve ball last Friday. After not making any progress for a long time, she decided to lick 5-6 new foods and then she took a bite out of string cheese. She promptly spit it out, but she took a BITE... with her TEETH!

Then on Sunday at Costco, she put a pretzel chip up to her mouth several times and talked about eating it. She also licked it. Today, she licked and kissed a strawberry.

I guess this means we will not be $100 per week richer. I've got to keep her in this therapy a little while longer to see if this leads to anything.

She was seen by a developmental pediatrician and behavior analyst (otherwise known as a BCBA) last week. Kaiser is offering a new type of feeding therapy now that we may try. We got the referral last week and I'm waiting for them to call me with more information. I have a lot of questions.

I'm trying not to freak out over her eating now that she's drinking Pediasure. It's still hard not to though. I fail at it most days.

Having a broken toe sucks. I had just gotten comfortable with taking the girls to the park by myself. Now I can't do it for at least another 5 weeks. I'm 3 weeks in to the 8 weeks that I'm supposed to wear this stupid blue shoe thing.

My toe still hurts too. It's really obnoxious that I broke my toe. I don't have time for injuries like this.

I feel so lazy not working out. I think that sometimes...I even actually moo. I've heard myself. Mooooooo... See!

You'd think the lack of working out would stop me from eating mexican food all the time.

Seriously... somebody stop me.

I'm kind of bummed that Rachel is going to a summer program at her school. I was hoping to relax a bit from our busy schedule this summer, but that's just not going to happen. I think we have a whole combined 3 weeks off before and after this summer program.

My broken toe kind of already put a damper on things anyway. I can't do as much on my own with the girls with this bum toe. Looking forward to the first week in July when I'm supposed to be able to start running again.

I got a lovely notice from Rachel's school last week. There was a case of hand foot and mouth disease in her classroom that she was exposed to.

Imagine my panic tonight when I noticed that the girls all have a few bumpy red rashes on their upper legs and behind their knees.

No fever though and the rashes do not look like the pictures online of the hand foot and mouth disease. They seem fine other than these rashes.

I'm not sure what this is yet. I sent them to bed tonight each with a dose of benedryl. Hope they are better tomorrow.

Speaking of bed time... We've had some significant improvement in the teeth brushing department. I have been reading a new (to me) feeding therapy book by an awesome feeding therapist (I wish I could hire her), Melanie Potock. In her book, she suggests singing a quick song while brushing teeth. This is so your child can expect when the activity will end. I started singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while I brush the girls' teeth. When the song is over, you stop brushing no matter what. This has changed our lives!!! We are now able to do a much better job with getting the girls to cooperate and let us really get in their mouths. Even Rachel is letting the toothbrush in. I wish I would have started this months ago! I've even been able to add a little bit of the toddler practice toothpaste to their brushes. The amazing news... I've been using this toothpaste with Rachel for two nights in a row and she hasn't thrown up at all.

Seriously.. RACHEL is letting us not only brush her teeth now, but we are using a flavored toothpaste. THIS. IS. HUGE!!!!

I'm so proud of my girlies. I have the sweetest little girls and am so blessed to be their mommy!

Bummmmmmmer!

My poor little toe is broken. I tried to deny it for over 24 hours. I woke up on Friday morning and my toe was purple and black and hurting like crazy. I still tried to pretend it wasn't broken. I ended up calling my mom to come over so she could help me with the girls. Plus, I had to get Rachel to her feeding therapy.

She brought some medical tape and helped me buddy tape my toe. Then we wrapped it up in an ace bandage and I somehow managed to keep pretending it wasn't broken. I barely fit my flip flops on over the swelling. After driving the 30 minutes to therapy, my whole foot was throbbing. Of course it's my right foot so driving is difficult. By the time Rachel's appointment was over (where she of course didn't eat anything new and I suffered through watching another hundred bucks slip out of our bank account), I was in so much pain that I just couldn't pretend I had just "bruised" it. So I called my doctor and she was able to get me in for an xray and an appointment last minute.

So turns out, the toe is broken. At first it wasn't clear how bad of a break it was so Dr. K had the nurse wrap my foot and treat it as a fracture. Isn't my big blue shoe just so cute? I get to wear it for 8 weeks. Dr. K called me after she had a podiatrist review my xray. He recommended that I should not even THINK about running for 8 weeks minumum. I also have to follow up in about 3-4 weeks for another xray to make sure this is healing right since the bone was apparently crooked. I am so disappointed that I can't run the half marathon that I literally just signed up and paid for a few days ago. I was so pumped up to do it and was looking forward to increasing my weekly miles.

Plus, it's not going to be easy keeping up with the girls while I'm hobbling around. I'm hoping that I will at least be able to walk better in a couple of weeks. Preschool drop off and pick up just got a lot more complicated.

I guess I should look at the bright side.... At least I got a cute pedicure a few days before this all happened.

Where have we been?

There are so many nights where I crawl into my bed with full intentions of writing something here. But then after I read emails, check Facebook, start chatting with my close friends..... I just run out of steam and end up passing out asleep before I actually post something.  I usually don't even get on the internet or open my laptop until at least 7pm when the girls go to bed. So I'm just going to post a few things about what has been going on.

Rachel's feeding therapy is still about the same. She's still licking new foods and playing with them, but she hasn't eaten anything new lately. The good news is that she is finally drinking Pediasure. I was at Target about a month ago and just happened to notice that Pediasure came out with a new juice drink. I had tried the formula/milky drinks before and she can't stand them. She's loves juice and she's loves drinking out of juice boxes. The Pediasure juice comes in two flavors. She doesn't like the tropical fruit flavor, but she likes the wild berry. I know it's not food, but I'm thankful that she's drinking this now.

We're five months into her feeding therapy and I have mixed feelings about continuing. I got Julie to admit that Rachel's progress is going at a much lower rate than normal. I guess I'm not surprised. She's always been a tough case. On one hand, I see the improvements. She doesn't freak out over a new food being placed in front of her. She will actually pick it up, smell it, and sometimes lick it. But on the other hand, she still isn't eating anything new. We're spending one hundred dollars per week to watch her lick food and not eat it. It's beyond frustrating. We were told that she'd be eating at least four new foods by twelve weeks in. I know that SOS feeding therapy is a very slow process, so I'm trying to keep the faith. Her old feeding therapist is going to a seminar that is being held by the Los Altos clinic in June. She told me she would let me know if she learns anything that may help us. I considered Los Altos clinic back in December, but it's just really expensive and not close enough to home. But if it could help, we might reconsider it (but would have to win the lotto) because.....well.... I'm desperate at this point.

So what else.... Yeah... I think I broke my toe this morning. It's perfect timing too. I just signed up for a non refundable half marathon three days ago. It's July 29th. I have never been in better running shape before. I can comfortably run 4-5 miles each jog and have even done 6 miles a time or two. I just started a twelve week training program this week. I've wanted to run a half marathon for so long but have always been too scared to give it a try. This time, I signed up for it and one of my best friends was going to go and cheer me on since Bob would need to stay home with the kids. So this morning, I banged my toe underneath our recliner rocking chair/loveseat couch. I heard a pop and felt the worse pain I've felt in a long time. I looked down and saw my pinky toe was hanging limply to the side. I couldn't move it. I ended up popping it back into place. It hurts so bad and I've been limping all day. I'm really hoping it's not broken. I've buddy taped it and am hoping for the best. If it's broken, I'm not sure I'll have enough time to work up to my 13.1  ... But I'm certainly not going to give up either.

Well.. I've been working on this pathetic post for over an hour now. I'm fading.... and am half asleep. I guess this means that this is it for tonight. Oh well....

Funnies

The girls have been so cute and funny lately. I just have to share a few things they've been doing or saying around here.

I took Sophia shopping at Target with me a couple of weeks ago.  I don't even remember what she wanted me to buy, but I told her, "No, we aren't going to buy that today. Mommy doesn't have enough money." So she tossed her hands up in the air and said, "You could buy some money at Target." I cracked up laughing.

Every time we run out of something or I say, "Mommy doesn't have any such and such," the girls tell me that I could go to the store and buy it. They usually say, "You could go to Costco and get some." Or, "You could shopping to Target and buy more crayons." It's so cute. They are mostly fixated on Costco and Target since those are the places we do most of the shopping.

For the last few days, Morgan has changed her name to "Pooh Bear." If you call her Morgan, she will correct you and say, "I Pooh Bear." Then she taps her hand on her chest as she says it, showing us who she is. She has named me "Kangaroo." Today, Rachel and Sophia were Eeyore or Tigger." She has also been referring to both Grandmas as Tigger. I guess the girl just loves Winnie The Pooh. Last week, several of us were Little People characters. Her imagination has been really fun lately.

Rachel has a favorite song. It's not a Barney or Wiggles song. It's "Rumor Has It" by Adele. Last week on our way to feeding therapy, the song came on the radio and she started to sing the "rumor has it" chorus. I glanced in the rear view mirror at her and she was rockin out bobbing her head up and down and singing. It wasn't just a fluke either. If we're in the truck and that song comes on, she stops talking and starts singing. I need to figure out how to get this on video. I can't blame her. It's a pretty good song!

Feeding Therapy Friday

I didn't end up posting anything about last week's therapy because it didn't differ from the week before. But this time, she did make a little bit of progress. Rachel didn't take a bite of anything new, but she did lick several new things. I don't even remember what the foods were that she put on her tongue. Well, one was a jelly bean. She also licked a peach yogurt melt. She will usually only eat the pink or purple yogurt melts, so I was glad to see her almost eat the peach ones.

It still amazes me that I get so excited about her just licking a food. The therapy is mostly playing with the foods. She is seated at a table and Julie talks about the food's shape, color, and texture. Then she kisses the food or licks it. Rachel was pretty receptive to the therapy this time, which is a change from the last two sessions. I was glad to see it.

Another good thing that happened over the last week is that Rachel is showing an interest in feeding herself with a spoon. I don't think I've even talked about this before, but she has never spoon fed herself. When I talk about how she will eat strawberry banana baby food, she isn't feeding herself like most three year old's would be. I'm still spoon feeding her. We've given her the spoon before countless times and she has never been interested in feeding herself. She will actually hold a spoon while I feed her, but has always become upset if that spoon gets food on it. Anyway, that all changed in the last couple of days. I was feeding her and she grabbed the spoon and put it in her mouth. Then she wanted to feed herself a couple of bites. I am so excited about this.

I don't remember if I have mentioned that she has needed to have a distraction while being fed too. Her distraction has always been a pencil and paper. She will draw while I get food into her mouth. This has been the only thing that has worked for us for months. Julie has suggested that we take all distractions that are not related to food away. So this past week, we've been giving her carrot or celery sticks to play with. I've also been offering the same foods I'm feeding Sophia and Morgan. Rachel will play with those foods and stab them with a fork. Of course they don't go near her mouth, but this is all progress for the little girl who would gag and practically throw up if you put food in front of her.

She is so interested in food. She almost ate some dried crunchy apple today. I can tell she is wanting to try something new. She will pick a new food up or point to it and say, "eat it" but then puts it down. I'm just glad that she is showing interest. I know her therapy is really helping her. It's just such a slow process that it can be really discouraging, but I do have faith that it is working.

It's still really difficult to watch my skinny minnie daughter only drink milk and hardly eat anything. Her hair is so thin and dry, and she has days where she has those awful dark circles under her eyes. I wonder if it's because she isn't getting the proper nutrition. I'm sure it probably is. She does get a multi vitamin, but I wish I could get her to drink pediasure. It's so frustrating and I worry about her every day.

 So prayer warriors..... I need you again!

When you just know

While the girls were all in school this afternoon, my mom and I went out to lunch. We talked about the recent transition from the girls' therapy program to their preschool programs and how it's been a tough transition for me.

In their therapy program, I got constant feedback about how the girls were doing and felt very supported by everyone in the program. I knew that there was always someone to listen to my concerns and offer up suggestions on how to handle certain situations with the girls. I was there for every toddler class and therapy session and felt very involved in the whole process.

With the preschool program, I don't get as much feedback. Well okay, Sophia and Morgan's teacher always talks about how the class went and how the girls did when I pick them up. Rachel's class has eleven kids in it, so when I pick her up, there isn't time to discuss the details I crave. The teacher and her aide's are quite busy making sure the right kid is getting handed off to the right parent. I completely understand that they aren't going to hold my hand through this process. I know I could ask for more details by phone or email, but I really don't want to be that "annoying" parent who needs to know every little thing.

So at lunch, I was telling my mom about this and how I wished I knew more about how Rachel was doing in class. Then just about two hours after our conversation, we went to pick Rachel up from school. As my mom and I were getting the girls into the truck, her class OT was walking out to her car and stopped to talk to me. She ended up giving me all the details I've ever wanted to know about how Rachel is doing in class. She told me that Rachel is behaving really well, following directions, sitting well for circle time, waits in line for her turn, loves music time, and is just a joy to have in class. She told me about how snack time goes and how happy Rachel is at recess. I seriously almost cried because I was so happy and relieved to know all of this. It made my day!

I just know that God is hearing me. He knows what I need and is blessing me with it. It's moments like this when I realize that I need to stop worrying so much and trust in Him.

Feeding Therapy Friday

I've decided that I need to start posting a recap of Rachel's feeding therapy every week. It's such an emotional roller coaster, and I want to be able to go back and read about what her sessions are like each time. I think this will help me to see her progress more clearly. I tend to get really discouraged by the harder sessions, and I need to be able to see the bigger picture.

I could tell as soon as Rachel got into her chair that the session wasn't going to go well. She just wasn't into it at all. Well, the first indication was when she didn't want me to leave her. She goes into a room with Julie (her therapist)  alone and I go into another room where I can watch behind the two way mirror. She's usually happily goes into that room. This time, they were playing with round foods to start. Julie usually follows a theme with a color or shape of food. They talk about the texture and play with the food.

They started with one of Rachel's preferred foods, which is Gerber yogurt melts. She ate a couple of them and asked for more. Then she got frustrated that instead of getting more, she was offered a freeze dried banana. At first, I thought she might take a bite. She did eat freeze dried bananas briefly last summer. So instead of eating it, she threw it at Julie and said "no." This set the tone of how the rest of the session went. She wouldn't put anything in her mouth, and pretty much didn't even play with the food as usual. When handed any kind of food, she would crush it or tear it and toss it off of the table. Things are kept positive so she's not reprimanded for tossing the food. She is simply told "food stays on the table" and Julie puts it back on the table just out of Rachel's reach. Previously when Rachel would throw food, I would remove her from the situation. She learned that it was her escape. With this type of therapy, there is no escape. So basically, nothing really good came from this session. Julie does an amazing job handing Rachel though. She keeps her interest even when there is no cooperation.

It's okay though. It's hard to watch when she has a bad therapy day, but I've noticed lately that she tends to take two steps forward and then one step back. Last week's session went pretty well.  She ate regular bbq potato chips and has continued to eat them all week. She also licked a pretzel stick.

Here is a list of what she eats right now.

Animal crackers (but they must be the Costco crackers)
Gerber yogurt melts
BBQ Baked Lays
Gerber stage 3 Strawberry Banana baby food
Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists (I'm the crazy lady who goes to the Taco Bell drive thru and orders 5 bags of twists every few days.)

New food: regular BBQ Lays Potato chips
She is also slightly biting in to an apple. It started with red apples with the peelings still on. Now I will peel half of the apple and hand it to her. First she licked it, and now she is putting her teeth into it... not taking a bite, but thinking about it.
She also took a bite out of a Chips-Ahoy crunchy chocolate chip cookie this week. She spit it out, but at least she took a bite.

This is all progress. Sometimes I get really frustrated and feel like we're burning through one hundred dollar bills with this therapy, but she IS making progress. SOS therapy is specifically designed for kids like her. It's a slow process, but we're only about three months in. We were told this will take a year to overcome. For some reason with Rachel, I think it might take longer than that. But I am trying to keep the faith.

Until next week.......