No one should blog this late at night and on cold medicine!

I am so frustrated. I haven't been able to keep up here because....well.... I just haven't had the time..but mostly, I have not had the sanity.

In early November, I attended the national SPD Conference. It was hosted by the SPD experts from the Star Center. I also attended two parent luncheons during the conference where I was able to talk with these experts one on one about Rachel.

So trying to make this story short since I'm about to fall asleep...... I feel like Rachel really needs the Star Center's feeding therapy program. There are a couple of therapists locally that were trained by the Star Center but I kinda know deep down that Rachel needs the master. Her case is seriously a difficult one. At the conference, I met another mother who took her son to the Star Center and it changed that little boy's life. His feeding issues weren't nearly as severe as Rachel's but she got Kaiser to pay for the whole trip to Colorado. So that has been my mission lately. I've been making phone calls, sending emails, and filling out 30 page packets about Rachel's developmental history. Her pediatrician started the process for us to try to get outside therapy covered by Kaiser, but it's a long process and we're just getting started.

I'm just so frustrated because if I can't get some insurance help to cover all or part of this, I really don't know how we're going to come up with the thousands of dollars that it's going to cost. Then I think....oh my gosh... what if we spend thousands and take her to Denver and the therapy doesn't even help her. I don't think that will be the case but there are always the "what if's." But then, we gambled when we spent thousands on IVF.... that may not have worked and it did! It's just that now we have a family to support and don't have that kind of extra cash just laying around. This is our daughter's health we are talking about. I'm willing to do anything to help her so we have to make it work.

I'm just so frustrated. My child isn't eating. She's still drinking from a bottle because she can't drink milk out of cup because she literally freaks out because it's "not the same." And this isn't just a 3 year old normal meltdown. There is actually a real serious underlying issue. She will starve herself or go without the milk if it's not presented in the exact perfect way. That's why I hate when people say that a child will not starve themselves. That not true for these poor kids who suffer from SPD and feeding problems.

I think I'm just letting my stress level get to me. The kids have been sick and now I have the nasty cold bug too. Add that to the sleep deprivation from sick kids and you get an overly dramatic rant on my blog. 

And did I mention my own medical crap?! I have a lump on my parotid gland on my face. Had to have a ct scan for it which they found not only that lump but two nodules on my thyroid. I had a biopsy on the face lump which was benign, but could still possibly be an early sign of lymphoma and the only way to know for sure is by removing it and doing a biopsy on the whole thing. The thyroid nodules turned out to be fluid filled cysts and are fine right now. Just have to get checked by the endocrinologist every six months. But the face lump thing.... I have to undergo surgery at the end of January to have the lump and possibly my parotid gland removed. So I'm not exactly excited about having surgery on my face while I'm trying to get all this therapy stuff set up.

But you know.... I need to remember that these are first world problems. Okay, rant over! I'm going to go to sleep now and pretend I didn't write this.