Rachel is having minor surgery

Rachel has a spot on her ankle. I noticed it a couple of months ago. One of her favorite things to do is to fill a plastic bowl up with toys, mostly little plastic shapes and blocks, and then she kicks it like crazy until the bowl is empty. She will then refill the bowl and do this over and over again. When I first noticed this spot, I thought it was an injury from kicking the bowl so hard. It's like a little blood cyst.

After a couple of weeks when it didn't go away, I took her to her pediatrician. He diagnosed it as a pyogenic granuloma. He decided to try and "burn" the spot off, but advised me that it doesn't always work. He used liquid nitrate. The spot looked like it was going to go away, but then it came right back. We got a referral to a dermatologist to see if he could cut it out.

We saw the dermatologist this past Monday. It's not a pygenic granuloma. He said it is likely a benign tumor. When he said the word "tumor," I think I just froze. Tumor certainly isn't' a word you want to hear about your baby. He's pretty sure that it's just a benign growth. She's having minor surgery on Monday to have it removed. He'll then send it to the lab for a biopsy to be certain that everything is okay. He didn't give us a certain name of this spot. I think he said four or five medical terms as to what it could be. I don't remember any of them because I was still focused on the fact that he said the word tumor. He didn't elaborate on anything. He just said that we'll wait and get the biopsy results, although he believes there is nothing to worry about.

I'm a mom. Rachel is my baby girl. Of course I'm worried. I'm trying hard not to focus on it, but am failing miserably. I have way too many thoughts going through my head. I just have to surrender to God and ask Him to help us get through this.

So we go in on Monday. She will have a shot to numb the area and then we'll wait an hour before they start the procedure. I get to be in the room with her the whole time. She'll be awake for it. It should take about 5 minutes.

I'm just so sad she has to go through this. It breaks my heart.

Is it Monday yet? I'm ready for this to be over with!

Well, hello there asthma.

I've had over five asthma attacks in the past week. It's really strange. I haven't had asthma issues like this since I was a teenager. In fact, I can't recall ever using my inhalor more than once or a twice a year in the last fifteen or so years. A couple of the attacks have been absolutely scary and awful. So awful that I considered telling Bob to call 911 because I just couldn't get enough air. My rescue inhalor just wasn't working. I had to take it 3-4 times before it made even the slightest difference.

Bob ended up working from home yesterday so that I could go see my doctor. I figured it was probably time to get on some type of preventative medication. I was lucky enough to call first thing in the morning and get a same day appointment.

After sitting in the waiting room for 30 minutes past my appointment time, I finally got called back. I had to wait an additional 15 minutes once I was in the exam room. It was so irritating. My doctor was over an hour late to my appointment a few weeks ago.

She finally walks in and says, "I haven't seen you for so long. How are you doing?" I thought to myself... funny since you just saw me three weeks ago when I was having issues with my ankles. Anyway, she asked why I was in to see her. I told her, and without even asking me any questions she said, "it sounds like you are having panic attacks."

Um, excuse me?

She didn't ask me one single question and just assumed panic attacks. What the heck? I said, "um no. No panic attacks here."

So then she says it must be stress. Why do they always assume it's mental? She asked how my job was going and if I was overwhelmed with work. Yeah, we talked three weeks ago about how I am a stay at home mom to triplets and do not work outside the home. Then she acted all surprised that I have triplets even though we had a whole conversation about it last time.

Okay, let me just say that I don't expect her to remember every single patient and their whole life story. But perhaps she can um, I don't know, actually READ my chart before coming in and making all these ridiculous assumptions.

I do admit to being super stressed lately. Rachel's food issues have really upset me. Sometimes, I'm just fine with it and I know she will grow out of it. Other days, I just feel like she's never going to eat anything other than baby food. Also, I've said it before... The girls are at a stage that they need a lot of attention. I'm constantly playing with them or telling them not to eat books or to stop pushing each other off of me when they want me. I'm working with them on sign language and learning words. We're playing patty cake. I'm super busy.

I've also been solo with the girls most days of the week lately. I get so sad that I can't get them out to the park more often or just on outings that allow them to actually get out of the stroller. I'm letting the stress get to me. It's hard not to.

So yes, I will say that the added stress could be the cause of the asthma attacks. It could also be because the air isn't so good where I live. Or... OR.. because I'm eating everything in sight and am at my heaviest weight other than while pregnant. Stress eater anyone?

So after my almost pointless appointment (well not totally pointless since now I will be finding myself a new doctor that reads charts), I was sent on my way with a prescription for a shiny new inhalor that is supposed to help prevent attacks. Boy did I get sticker shock when I picked it up. For a six week supply of the preventative inhalor and a new rescue inhalor, (my other one was expired and that's why it didn't work very well...whoopsie!), it cost me $80. $10 was the rescue inhalor and the other $70 was for the preventative that turns out....is NOT covered by my insurance.

Nice!

There's a new $80 bill every six weeks that we can add to our budget now.

How's that for a panic attack?

Therapy update

So after last week's "Rachel food high," I was shot straight down from it on Friday morning during her food/eating therapy session. I don't think the therapist is a good fit for us, but I think we're stuck with her unless we want to pay more for someone else who isn't covered by our insurance.

When we got there, her first comment was about how small she thinks Rachel is and asked when her last weight check was. Of course it was before our last session, and she should be able to see that in Rachel's medical record that was right in front of her. She kept asking me what I feed her and how much milk she is drinking. Is she drinking out of a regular cup yet? Um WHAT? Isn't the therapist the same person who told me to keep Rach on bottles until she eats better since we don't want her to lose out on her milk consumption??? She told me to start feeding her more of the foods she likes. DUH... I've been doing that. I was also told to start using pediasure to add calories to her milk and to give her more food. Um yeah, what am I supposed to do??? Shove it down her throat? Last time I checked, "Miss Therapist" was not a pediatrician. I don't know. It's hard to explain. This session just upset me. I felt like I was being judged as a mother because Rachel is on the small side and I haven't had 30 minutes PER MEAL to work with her. I do the best I can. She is making improvements. I felt like our therapist just doesn't realize that I am alone for 95% of the girls' meals and I don't have an entire 30 minutes per meal to devote to Rachel every single day. Especially when I'm seeing Rach eat more foods and make improvements.

So I ended up leaving the pointless appointment practically in tears and headed to the over priced baby/toddler specialty shop and spent almost $40 on 3 suction toddler bowls that are supposed to be the best ones out there and some regular cups because I'm a horrible mother if I don't buy exactly what I'm told. Yeah....ridiculous. I would return them except these bowls are actually really awesome.

Since it's been a few days, I'm starting to calm down. I was so angry all day Friday about how the session went. It didn't feel helpful at all. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue these appointments. I'm not sure they are 100% needed. I could probably do a lot of the exercises on my own with the help of my friends who's toddlers have been through this.

Who knows....it's just something to think about.

Surprise!

I had to cancel Rachel's food/eating therapy appointment last week because I didn't have anyone to take care of Sophia and Morgan. I felt so guilty that I had to reschedule it. However, today she surprised me and finally picked up a new food and ATE IT! Guilt gone. hahaha...

I always offer her foods I know she won't eat. She usually tosses it on the floor. Then I whip out her baby food and we call it good. Well today, I decided to keep giving her peices of french toast sticks at lunch time. I was going to hold off on letting her see the baby food for as long as possible. I gave her the smallest peices of the french toast that I could. She picked up a peice and actually ate it. I could tell she liked it. Her little face lit up and she leaned forward and looked at the plate I was holding. I knew that meant we struck gold!

I was so excited that I had to take pictures of this major milestone!

Wow Mommy, is this what real food tastes like? I've been missing out!

I was so happy that she ate some at lunch so I decided to give her more for dinner. I want her to get used to eating this like she is with some other foods she will accept. She ate it up again! (Of course I gave her other healthier foods as well. ) I'm going to give her more tomorrow so that she becomes familiar with this. I'm hoping today wasn't a fluke. I don't think that's the case. I have been noticing that she is taking an interest in the foods I give to Sophia and Morgan. She's also eating some of the lumpy foods I've been offering without spitting any out.

I'm just so proud of her. I'm hoping that my days of buying baby food will soon be over!

A fun day in the country!

We had another fun day out in the country visiting Grammie and Grandpa. (Bob's parents) We love going to their house. They have a fabulous property, and the girls just love exploring it. We left bright and early at 8am and after a stop at Starbucks, we were there by around 9am. It was a little chilly at first, but then it warmed up fast! We had so much fun.

Grammie bought the girls a pool just like the one we have at home!

But once again, the girls' favorite thing was the water fountain on the front porch. This time, they got right in it. Who needs a swimming pool when you have one of these?

Here's Rachel playing in the grass. She's practicing her skater poses for when she starts lessons next year. hahahahahahaha.....

Morgan contemplating her next move. Shall I go pull the dog's hair again or should I try and eat a rock? Hmmm... decisions!

Sophia chasing the ball. She loved it!

The girls had a great time playing ball with Daddy!
We can't wait to go and visit again! Hopefully, it will be sooner rather than later.

Another fun play date

A few days ago, we had a really fun play date at my friend Jen's house. She has triplet girls who are about a month older than my girls. They were really fun to watch together. Jen has a big one story home so the girls got to run all over her house. They loved every second of it. We can't wait to do it again!

I wish we lived closer to Jen and her girls. They live in a college town about 40 minutes from us. It was kind of strange for me to go there at first. An old friend, that unfortunately I'm not friends with anymore, lived there so I used to be in that area more often. I have a better reason to go there now...... PLAY DATES!

It's sad to say, but I feel so lost on the mornings we don't have play dates or other plans. The girls get bored very easily, and when they're bored we're all fussy! I've been taking them for drives or on walks around our neighborhood. Yesterday, we went to the mall. I'm trying to stay busy without it costing us a lot of money. Thankfully, we always find something fun, which is nice!

Swimming

The girls are really loving their swimming pool. I think it's their new favorite activity. We have the pool right on our back patio. Sometimes, they will stand at the sliding glass door and look out at the water while banging on the glass. I think it's their way of telling me they want to get in it.

Bob's parents gave us this cool sun shade umbrella a couple of years ago. We hadn't really used it yet because we don't sit outside very often. As it turns out, I finally have a great use for it. It is the perfect shade for the girls while they swim. It covers the pool pretty well and protects them from getting too much sun.

They are getting so used to swimming in their own backyard that when we go to our friends' homes who have big pools, the girls try to squirm out of our arms because they think they can "swim" anywhere! We were swimming at my friend's house yesterday afternoon and Rachel kept trying to get away from me and got so mad that I wouldn't let her go.

Sorry Rachel, but you were in 4 feet of water. Mommy can't let go!