Happy Birthday to our precious daughters!

Three years ago, at this very moment, I was in the hospital with Morgan in my arms for the very first time. She was released from the NICU just hours after her birth. I remember looking into her precious little eyes and crying tears of joy.  I was too weak from the c-section to be able to go down to the NICU to see Sophia and Rachel. I didn't get to see Sophia until around 6:30am the following morning when she was out of the NICU. I would finally get to touch Rachel that night at around 8:30pm. I didn't get to hold her yet because she was so small, but I got to touch her precious head. I remembering feeling the most overwhelming feeling of love for my girls. It's true that you really don't know how strong a mother's love is until you become one. 

It's hard to believe three years have passed. Our girls are our everything. We are so blessed to be their parents. Rachel is such a silly little girl. She is going through a phase of making the funniest little faces. She does this super cute thing where she looks at you kind of from the side of her eyes. She loves to laugh and play around with us. Sophia is using full sentences now, and we can have little conversations with her. She loves to play with Little People toys and has a favorite little doll. Morgan has blossomed so much in the past month. She's talking to me, asking for things that she wants, and her eye contact has improved. Her favorite toys right now are Wonder Pets stuffed animals. She carries them around with her all day long. 

My girls are three years old. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was staying up all night feeding each one of them, one after another. Those nights are still so vivid in my memory. I remember holding them in my arms when they were all less than 5 pounds. Now I can't even call them toddlers anymore. 

Our babies have blossomed into preschoolers. I just don't know where the time went!

Happy Birthday sweet girls. Mommy loves you more than you'll ever know!

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman. Or Super Woman...... Well, in this case, I'm SuperMoM! My "mothers of multiples" group nominated me to be January's SuperMoM. Each month, our club nominates someone who has been going above and beyond for their own family, or another family, or both. I was so surprised and honored. Plus total bonus...I got to wear a pink cape!

Over the past couple of months, the club (and all my amazing MoM friends) have been so supportive of what we have been going through with the girls, especially Rachel's feeding issues. I get so many texts and phone calls asking about how the therapy is going and if they can help me in any way. They all know that my emotions are all over the place and that I have been so overwhelmed lately. Between the girls' psych evaluations, Morgan's PDD-NOS diagnoses, Rachel's new feeding therapy, and their upcoming transfer out of the infant program and into the school system..... well... gosh, it's just been a lot to handle. To be recognized for having "super mommy powers," was just so meaningful to me. 

 I'm so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful group of women! 

Yeah.... I don't know what this is.

I had a chai tea latte tonight at almost 8pm. Not a good idea since I'm much too awake for this hour of the night.

I've been really bitchy the last several days.

My trainer has been completely kicking my ass Biggest Loser style and it's really not fun at all.

I've lost 46 pounds now so that's something to be proud of. But I am still really irritable over all the tough work outs.

Makes me wish I could just do Zumba to get these last 20 or so pounds off.

But I know that's not enough if I want this weight off like... yesterday.

I can't believe my girls are going to be three in less than three weeks.

Their birthday party is the 28th and I still don't have a theme.

But I don't really think that matters. They won't care anyway.

Sophia is currently obsessed with singing the Happy Birthday song and she talks about birthday cake constantly.

I think she got it from an episode of Super Why.

All three girls are singing their ABC's. They are just the cutest!

I need to get rid of this inner grump that I have been lately.

Bob has been working so much and I think it's making me crazy. But his work is really busy right now and he also has a side contract he's doing.

We're supposed to go on a two night get-away to Monterey soon though. I'm really looking forward to getting away and spending time with the hubby. It's been way too long since we've had time away together.

We need it.

The girls start preschool in three weeks. They all qualified for the school district's program. Morgan and Rachel will be in the same class at one school. Sophia will be at another school.

We're going to be really busy. I'm going to feel like a taxi driver.

I will have 90 minutes of kid free time two times a week with this new schedule.

I'm looking forward to at least having some one on one time with Sophia while Rachel and Morgan are in their class.

I have a lot of gray hair.

I can't imagine why!!!

Okay, this weird rant is over.

New Year Randoms

My brain is completely fried tonight. I figured I'd just post some random updates. I know I still need to recap Christmas, but that will have to wait.

Christmas did include Sophia saying over and over again, "This is the best Christmas ever." She melted everyone's hearts. 

I'm just so relieved that my second mammogram came back just fine. Totally gives me a refreshed outlook on so many things! 

So I am now down 43 pounds. I still can't believe how much I have lost. My weight loss was pretty much at a stand still for a few months. I was working out, just not as hard....and my diet wasn't where it should be from around October until December. Bob bought me another 12 weeks with my personal trainer so I've lost another 5 pounds recently. Well... I had gained back a few pounds, so I lost about 8 pounds in the last month. Something has come over me and I'm really getting addicted to the high of exercise lately. I started doing Zumba with my girlfriends and it's so much fun that I forget it's cardio. My trainer laughed at me when I said that and told me that if I forget I'm doing cardio, then it's not good cardio. LOL! Oh well... I only do it once or twice a week. The other couple of days, I go to the gym on my own and then work out with the trainer 3 times a week. I'm also going to do my first 10K in February. I'm really pumped up for it too! I wanted to do a 10K last November, but I had an injury and didn't work out for a few weeks. I am really loving the energy that I have now with all this exercise. I love that it's getting addicting! I really want to drop another 20-25 pounds and get into the best shape I've been in since back in my skating days. I'm so determined!

I simply cannot believe that the girls will be 3 years old in just one little month. Seriously! Where did the time go? I need to figure out what I want to do for their birthday party. They will also be starting preschool. At least the school district is planning to put Morgan and Rachel in the same class. We weren't sure before, but they recently let me know that they understand I can't be in 3 places at once. For that, I am thankful! 

I'm really going to miss the girls' therapy team. They've been a part of our family for a year and a half now. They've been so encouraging to me and so awesome with the girls. I don't know what I'm going to do without them. I know we're moving on to the next season of our lives. The good thing is that I've gotten close with a few of the therapists and we already plan to hang out when they no longer "work" for us. 

Rachel's feeding therapy has been going really well. She's really taking to Julie, her new therapist, very well. She gets excited when we get to the center and loves all the "toys" she plays with there. She is so close to eating an apple. She is still putting apples to her mouth, but just hasn't actually eaten one yet. I see a lot of progress with her, so I'm excited for what's to come. I am still bitter about how much we have to pay for all of this, but she needs it. 

Morgan is talking so much now. I'm seriously not in denial about her PDD-NOS diagnoses, but I truly wonder if she'd still get that diagnoses if she were retested today. She has just come out of her little shell and is interacting so well. She says the funniest things. Right now, if something isn't working (or she thinks something isn't working) she says, "oh no, it's broken." Everything is broken. If one of her shows is over, it's broken. She cracks me up.

Wow... I am falling asleep. I guess this is it for tonight. I really want to post more even if it's just random stuff. For now.... I'm out!

Whew!

I am beyond relieved. I had my second mammogram today, and everything is just perfectly fine. My doctor thinks I had a cyst due to the time in my cycle that I had the first mammo. It's completely gone and there are no other concerns.

What a long week of worrying. I was pretty sure I was going to be just fine, it's just the last couple of days that I really started to get nervous. I'm glad this is behind me!

I am so thankful for all of my friends today. While I was in the waiting room at the radiology department, my phone was blowing up with text messages. It was really comforting to know that so many of my friends were thinking of me and praying for me.

I'm off to Zumba so I can literally "booty shake" all the stress away! Love Friday night Zumba with my peeps!

Annual Mammogram

A couple of weeks ago, I had my annual mammogram. I know I'm a bit young to be starting mammograms, but my sister passed away from breast cancer when she was only 29. Plus, my mom is a breast cancer survivor so I screen early. Before you get all worried, I'm about 99% sure I'm going to fine.

On Friday afternoon, I got a call from the radiology department saying that I need to come back for a repeat mammogram because there is a concern on my left side. I think my heart stopped beating for a second when I heard the person on the phone telling me this. The girls were in their cribs for quiet/nap time. I pretty much fell to the floor crying. My biggest fear was coming true. I know it seems dramatic, but with our family history, I get nervous every single time I have a mammogram. I impatiently wait for the card in the mail telling me everything is fine. This time, the card never came. Instead, I got this awful phone call.

I was told I had to come back for another mammogram and that the radiologist would review the results with me on the spot. There was no other information that could be given to me at this time. I would need to speak with my doctor for more information. This was on Friday afternoon at around 3pm right before a holiday weekend. I was too upset to be pissed.... but later was completely pissed that they chose to call me at 3pm right before Christmas when there was nothing that they could do or nothing that they could tell me.

When I got off the phone, I immediately tried to call Bob at work. He didn't answer his office line so I called my mom and asked her to come right over. I was crying pretty hard and new I couldn't handle the girls on my own that afternoon. Then I emailed my doctor begging for more information and hoping that he would get the message before he left for the weekend.

My mom is awesome. She was able to semi-calm me down and she really helped with the girls. I was pretty much a big ball of weepy mush. I just felt so hopeless. I had watched my sister lose her battle and her poor son has been without his mother. I cannot imagine not being here for my girls. They are my world!

I was so thankful because around 9:30 that night, my doctor returned my email.

This is the what he said.....


Barbara,

I was not in the office this afternoon and just got your message. 

The mammogram showed a very small area of asymmetry in the superior and outer left breast. There were no suspicious calcifications, or architectural distortion. This means that they did not really see anything suspicious for cancer.

Most of the time these asymmetries turn out to be just differences in how the pictures were taken. It just takes a small fold of skin to make the pictures look this way.

Radiology wants some additional pictures to see if this finding is just the way the pictures were taken.

Sorry that you received this news before the holiday weekend.



I was so relieved. For around six hours that day, I thought I might have breast cancer. I know I was jumping to conclusions, but when you have my family history, it's hard not to fear the worst. I have my follow up mammogram this Friday. I am still a little bit nervous, but I'm hanging in there. I have an appointment for an ultrasound right after the mammogram, if it is needed. That way, if they do see something, I won't have to wait all weekend to find out what it is. I'm trying to stay optimistic that the asymmetry is just due to the way the pictures were taken and that everything will be okay.

It's amazing how a scare like this really puts things into prospective. There were things I was worried about and life stresses as always, but I'm not as worried about those things now. I'm just thankful to be blessed with an amazing family, three beautiful healthy little girls and wonderful friends! That's all that matters.

I won't leave anyone in the dark. I will post an update on Friday to say that everything is okay! But in the meantime, prayers would be comforting!

Rachel licked an apple!

Rachel licked an apple today. She put it up to her mouth and stuck her tongue on it. I'm not talking about just the skin of the apple. At first, she played with it and put it to her mouth a few times. Then she handed it to me and said, "open." At first I didn't think she was serious, and I asked her if she wanted me to cut it. She said, "open" again. So I cut a peice off and she started playing with it and putting it back on the apple like a puzzle peice. She would touch the inside of the apple and say, "wet" and "water." She was really into it and excited about it. She then put it up to her mouth and out came her tongue.... then she licked it! I was beyond surprised.  I just had to whip out my phone and snap a quick picture of this monumental moment! 

I never thought I'd be so excited for my child licking an apple. But hey, this is just super awesome. Any progress, no matter how small, is just huge around here. Rachel's second therapy session on Friday went really well. I left the session with peace and excitement in my heart. Praise the Lord. He lead us to the right place and the right therapist. I am so thankful. 

Bob called me from the store on his way home from work and asked me if we needed anything. Of course I said, "apples. bring more apples."