Hey, look! A Blog Post

Once again, I have neglected my blog. The last month has, of course, been a busy one.

I'll start with my super fun trip to Portland/Vancouver area in mid-Oct. My cousin (and BFF) lives up there, and I hadn't seen her in over a year, so I am so happy I finally got over my fear of flying and got up there. I really lucked out. One of my close triplet mommy friends's husband is a Southwest Airlines Captain and so she hooked me up with a free ticket. It was a stand by ticket, but I'll stand by for a free trip to see my bestie any time! I flew up on a Friday night and home very early Monday morning. We had so much fun. I finally got to see Roloff Farm. I've been a fan of the "Little People, Big World" TLC show for years, so it was a treat to get to see their farm and go to their pumpkin patch. It did feel a bit weird going to a pumpkin patch without my girls, but it was fun to see my cousin's little one enjoy the "punkins." My cuz and I went to the movies and out for late night munchies at a diner, followed by shopping the next day. Fred Meyer is my new favorite store to buy kid's clothes. It was also my first time ever flying alone. I am one of "those" people who has panic attacks on airplanes. I did really well this time and stayed panic attack free. The glass of wine on the way up there sure helped! I can't wait to fly up there for another weekend again!

What else has been going on? We finally closed on a house for Bob's mom. The last house we were in escrow on fell through. It was actually a blessing in disguise because we were able to find her a better house in an area much closer to our home. Right now, she is living with us but will be all moved in to her house probably around the first of the new year. I think we're all relieved that the search for another house is done. We'd been looking since April and put countless offers out there. Whew!

So Morgan has really developed so well with her language skills. I'm not in denial about her PDD-NOS diagnoses, but I wonder if she would still get that diagnoses if she were retested today. She has grown so much, it's almost as if she is a different kid. She's looking at me when she's talking. She asks me for things. She brings me toys she is interested in. These are all things she didn't do just two months ago. Only time will tell, but I am hopeful that she'll continue to blossom.

Our biggest concern right now is Rachel's feeding issues. In the past three days, her eating has gone from bad to worse. She is eating less than 500 calories a day and it's really scaring me. She's refusing her baby food and is down to 3-4 other foods, none of them nutritious. I really wonder if she is on the brink of change. Like, maybe she is tired of baby food. I think that is a real possibility. My thought is that she is afraid to try something new. I'm really not sure. It's like she doesn't even get hungry. Also, in November,  her pediatrician decided to do a full blood count and we found that her iron stores are low. She is not anemic but is in danger of becoming anemic. I started her on a liquid multi-vitamin called PolyVisol with Iron. She only took one dose of it a few nights ago. The next day she didn't want to eat much. I wondered if the iron was upsetting her stomach so I took her off it. I don't think that's the case though since the last two days have been exactly the same. She just doesn't want to eat. Her feeding issues have just been going downhill. She has gone from eating a variety of baby foods to just a few kinds. Now she won't even eat her "go to" foods. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. I've been doing a little online research and am looking for a new feeding therapist or feeding program.

I've found a few options. There is a new type of feeding therapy for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder, which is what Rachel was diagnosed with. It's called SOS. The only issue is that the therapy is super expensive. There is also an intensive feeding program in Colorado I'm looking in to. I've got a call out to just about every place in town, one place in the bay area, and then the Star Center in Colorado. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get Rachel the help she needs. She's getting dark circles under her eyes and I know she's not getting what she needs. She has an appointment with her doctor on Friday morning. I'm trying to use every option that I have no matter what the cost. I'm done sitting back and just hoping things will get better.

I put this out on Facebook last night. A call for prayer! So if you would pray for my little girl, we would be grateful. I am giving this up to God. I believe He will work this out for us and lead us in the right path to help our Rachel!

So that's our update! Hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season. I'm too tired to proof read tonight... and I took Nyquil right before I started typing. Darn cold... I've had it for four days now. ugh!

Park Play Date

We had a fun park play date with the girls' triplet boyfriends last week. My friend, Deana and I were very proud of ourselves for wrangling six toddlers with just the two of us. We actually make a really good team. She mans one end of the park while I work the other. No toddler left behind and we just constantly count to six!  hahahaha...... They usually end up staying really close to each other. 

The kiddos did really well. We were at the park for just about an hour and we didn't have one meltdown. My girls are getting to know D, and her boys are getting to know me. It's all working out great. We really enjoy hanging with these sweet boys! 

Back to reality

Morgan had her psych evaluation on Tuesday morning. We were surprised, but then also not surprised that she was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I think I was in denial leading up to her appointment. It's just the more I read about autism and PDD-NOS, the more I started to associate Morgan with some of these characteristics.

Here is the definition of PDD-NOS. This is copied from the Autism Speaks website.

Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) is one of the autism spectrum disorders and is used to describe individuals who do not fully meet the criteria for autistic disorder or Asperger syndrome.

PDD-NOS may be thought of as “subthreshold autism," or a diagnosis one can give a person who has “atypical symptomatology.” ²  In other words, when someone has autistic characteristics but some of their symptoms are mild, or they have symptoms in one area (like social deficits), but none in another key area (like restricted, repetitive behaviors), they may be given the PDD-NOS label.

The last 24 hours have been very emotional. I've cried, been angry, felt confused, and have been in denial. Then I get mad or sad again. It's been a tough pill to swallow. The good thing in all this is that Dr. M isn't 100% confident that this is, for sure, the right diagnoses long term. She fits the description right now. However, he thinks she is borderline enough that it could go either way as she develops. He has recommended that we re-test in about 2 years right before she turns 5.

Right now, I'm trying to just take all of this in. I wanted to be able to share the reasons why she was diagnosed, but I don't have a copy of the psychologists report yet. Once I get the report, I can really get into the reasoning behind it. Unfortunately, after talking extensively with Dr. M, it just seems like he's right on the money with this. I hope with all my heart that he is wrong and that she will make amazing strides with continued therapy. He has seen cases where it's just tough to diagnose in a 2 year old and that after a couple of years, the diagnoses doesn't make sense. But then he's also seen cases where it has turned into a full autism diagnoses.

This will probably place her in the same 4 day a week preschool program as Rachel. They are both categorized as "severely delayed" with their language skills. Dr. M feels like Morgan is way too advanced to place her in the class with the autistic children. I have a call out to the school district to discuss this as well as an IFSP meeting with the girls' therapy team and case worker next week. I am feeling a little bit better after talking this all out with Amy, the girls' OT. She and I have come up with some goals and a plan as to how we want to move forward with their therapies. We plan on making the most of the last 3 1/2 months we still have before their services are transferred.

I will post in more detail as soon as I get Morgan's report. I can't think of everything off the top of my head right now so I'm not going to try.

Sophia had her evaluation today. She soared through it with flying colors. She has some mild sensory issues and is classified as just having a "mild speech delay," which makes me happy.

Right now, the plan is to take this one day at a time. I'm seeking support through our local Warmline chapter that offers help for families with special needs children. It's too much to try to look too far into the future at this point. "One day at a time" is the new motto!

Good news!!!

I can't even begin to express with words how thankful I am that Rachel does not have autism. She also does not have PDD-NOS or any other type of PDD. She does have sensory processing disorder as well as auditory issues and language delays. These are all things that can be treated through the therapy she is already receiving.

For the first time in over a year, I am feeling free of the stress and worry that I had for her. It's been a long road with my precious Rachel.  Last year at this time, we were going through worry from the tumor on her ankle. There were several months of waiting and thinking about biopsy results. At the same time, she was being seen by several therapists that were all concerned because she shows signs of autism. The question was always there even though a lot of her characteristics and behaviors were unlike those of children with autism. But then of course, some of her characteristics were in line with them. I'm so glad that the question has finally been answered once and for all. Now we can focus on the sensory, auditory, and language issues.

Knowing that Rachel was not diagnosed takes away the majority of concern that I had for Sophia and Morgan. The psychologist and the girls' therapy team still want them to undergo the same testing. They will likely not be diagnosed, but just by doing this testing, it will help us to better understand the areas we need to work on. Their appointments are next week.

I am really proud of Rachel for doing so well. Her evaluation lasted just about 3 hours. She didn't have any meltdowns or tantrums. She was such a good girl, plus she had a room full of toys all to herself. About 2 hours in, she did say... "A truck, cars, home." That meant she wanted to go home in Daddy's truck.

One of the main reasons several of the therapists thought she could have autism or PDD-NOS is because of her eating issues. Dr. M explained that children with the same sensory processing disorder have issues with food and all of the different textures. Some of these children are even mis-diagnosed with autism because their symptoms are alike. The good news is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When Rachel's language skills improve, we will be able to talk about foods and even let her help choose what she would like to try. We're told it's not going to be an easy battle, but that she will improve with time.

I am very relieved and it really feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest. I feel like now that we know what she is dealing with, we will be able to help her now and make some good progress.

When we left the psychologist's office, I had a good cry. It was definitely much needed relief for my baby girl who has been through enough in her almost 3 years! I look forward to watching her blossom when she starts school in February!

Ready or not....

In a few days, we start the process of the girls' pysch evaluations to determine if they are on the autism spectrum,  have aspergers, PDD-NOS, or any other diagnoses to try and find out what, if anything, is causing their developmental and speech delays.

Rachel has the first appointment on Wednesday. Needless to say, my stomach is in knots and I have a lot of anxiety about it. I know this isn't going to change who she is or change our life right now. If anything, I think some sort of diagnoses would only help us to her her. I just can't even describe the sense of overwhelming feelings I am having about this.

It's not just Rachel that I have anxiety about. It's all three. They are my babies. Dealing with the fact that one or all of them could be labeled as "special needs," is heart breaking. I know things could be worse, so I am of course incredibly thankful for their health. But I just want the best for my girls as all mothers would. I don't want them to struggle.

I had a meeting last week with two of the girls' therapists. They know how stressed out I am over the testing and were discussing what to expect as well as how to navigate the girls' upcoming IEP meeting with the school district. This meeting made me realize what an awesome team we have fighting for our girls. Both of the girls' OT's have offered to keep in contact with me after the girls turn three and will no longer be in their program. They want to be there for us to offer advice or just a comforting ear. I am so thankful for them. I know we aren't alone in this.

They also referred me to a local support network for parents of children with special needs. I've already made friends with one of the mom's (Kathy)  in the girls' play gym class who is a member of the network. I'm going to attend one of their get togethers so I can connect with some other local moms going through some of the same things we are. My multiples club has been such a great support to me so I know a similar group for parents of children like mine will be helpful. We've already had a couple of play dates with Kathy and her son, and it's been just what I've needed to feel a sense of normalcy. I know I've said that it's hard not to compare the girls to other toddlers their age, but I always do. On these recent play dates,  I found myself so relaxed and happy hanging out with another mom who totally "gets it" with what we are going through. She and her son are going through the same thing. Both of us mentioned that it felt good not to have to see "normal developing toddlers the same age" and be comparing them the whole time to ours that are somewhat behind.  In fact, Rachel will be in the same preschool program as Kathy's son since we are practically neighbors. I'm glad to have met her.

Sophia and Morgan's appointments are next week. I'm getting myself mentally prepared for whatever news comes our way. I'm going to do my best to remain optimistic.

However, if I eat lots of brownies this week........... um..... I can't be held accountable for it!

Preschool already? Yikes!

A couple of days ago, we had the girls' transition meeting with the school district. When they turn three, they are no longer eligible for the infant early intervention program. At that point, if they still need services, the school district takes over. I'm really thankful that they are eligible for either a preschool program and/or speech therapy services.

I've been a little emotional over the results of their assessments. I received copies of the reports, and even though I always prepare myself, it's never easy to see that your children have significant delays. Their perceptual/fine motor and cognition skills have improved and they are only about six months delayed in those areas. So that was good news (compared to last year).

It's the language skills area that we have the significant delays in. For "gestures and play," and their receptive and expressive language, Rachel "masters skills" at the 9-12 month level with scattered skills to the 24 month range. Morgan "masters skills" in the 15-18 month range with scattered skills to the 24 month range. Sophia "masters skills" in the 18-21 month range but also has scattered skills up to 30 months. Although, I think if retested now, Sophia would score much higher. Her speech and ability to understand has improved so much. It's a huge difference from where she was just one month ago when their assessments were completed.

Based on the assessments now, the school district determines what programs they would qualify for if the decision had to be made today. This is just something they go over with the parents to give them an idea of what is available. The final decision on placement isn't done until they turn 3. So based on what we know right now, Rachel will most likely be in a preschool program that is Monday-Thursday in the afternoons for two hours. Morgan is borderline and could either do the same program as Rachel or a two day a week speech program in a preschool setting. Sophia will likely not need to be in the preschool program and will just need speech therapy once or twice a week. I'm kind of stressed out over them possibly being in three different programs. My hope is that either Sophia and Morgan would be in the same program or that Morgan and Rachel will. We know Sophia won't be in Rachel's class. I asked them if they ever take into consideration that they are triplets and I can't be running them all over town like that. They said they each have their own IEP and their own goals so it's important to work it out. So if they need different programs, there isn't anything I can really change about it. I know it's best for them so I'm not going to cause a stink over it. I'll work it out if/when I need to.

If Sophia isn't in a preschool program and just needs speech therapy, then Bob and I will find her a preschool to go to when she is 3 1/2. She will need something structured since if she doesn't qualify for the school district's program, it will be by just a hair. So it's important that she still be in some sort of program so she can keep moving forward. Oh and did I mention that the school district's preschool is just like public school so it's not going to cost us anything other than our taxes.

Just processing all of this information has been overwhelming. I was a little irked by the representative from the school district. She had to tell me, more than once, that this is the first set of triplets she's had where all three of them were in early intervention services. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I know she didn't mean any harm by it, but I have a hard enough time with this situation. I didn't need that pointed out to me.

It will be interesting to see where they are placed. Of course all of this depends on their psych evaluations that will test for autism. I don't think any of them are on the spectrum, but I've also learned to never say never. I've been reading the book, "Just Take a Bite." It's a guide for parents of children who have severe food issues or aversions. The book is basically describing Rachel. Unfortunately, the book focuses on children with autism, aspergers, or PDD-NOS. So there are a lot of things about Rachel that points to being on the spectrum, but then there are also a lot of things that are opposite from it. All three girls show some signs, and that is why we are doing the testing. We need a final answer on it.

Don't get me wrong. I am very happy that they are going to receive continued services. I know it's best for them. I'm nervous about leaving them in a new classroom that they are unfamiliar with. They've never been anywhere without me. They will also possibly be separated. Morgan doesn't like to be separated from the pack. She's so sweet and always makes sure all "babies" are accounted for. Our OT suggested to start to practice leaving them at my mom's or a friend's house. We'll start there and work up to leaving them one at a time. It'll probably be harder on me than it is for them.

I can't believe that in just four short months, my girls will be three years old and possibly in preschool. I'm just not ready for that. In my eyes, they are still my little babies!

5K

A couple of months ago, I decided I wanted to try another 5K. I hadn't completed an official 5K since 2005. I don't know what has hit me over the past several months. I have been so focused on getting my body back to healthy and fit. It's become very important to me. I am not only doing this for myself, but I'm doing it for my daughters. I want to be healthy for them.

So I asked my running buddy, Claudine, if she wanted to do this race with me. She has been running for months (completing her first 5K earlier this summer), so I knew she'd be up for it. We found a race that was fundraising for a local autism research center. I jumped at the chance to participate.

Most of my running has been on the treadmill. I was only able to get out and do a couple of practice runs with Claudine before the big race today. I wasn't sure how well I'd do since hitting the pavement is a lot different than treadmill running. I usually treadmill run 2-3 miles at least 3 times during the weekdays, and then I do 3-4 miles on Saturdays and Sundays. So I knew I'd at least have the stamina needed.

Here we are before the race started.

We ran together for probably the first half mile. Claudine is such a good friend. My pace was just a little slower than hers so I had to talk her into leaving me in her dust. I knew she wanted to go for a personal best. I did too, but I knew I'd be holding her back since she is more of an outside runner than I am. For some reason, the first mile was the hardest for me. Once I hit that one mile marker, I stepped up my pace and felt like I was in a good groove. There were a couple of hills that I wanted to walk instead of run, but I forced myself to keep running. I wanted to be able to say I ran the whole time!  

I finally hit the 3 mile marker and couldn't believe that the finish line was UP A HILL! I felt like I had nothing left, but I found my inner runner and sprinted to the finish line!

Claudine had finished almost 2 minutes ahead of me so she and her hubby snapped a pic for me at the end of my race. I pretty much thought I was going to pass out at this point but I was just so proud that I had made it!

Here's our "sweaty pic" after we tried to cool down a bit.

Claudine was really proud of her banana hahaha........

I'm just so darn proud for doing this. I also made a personal best on my time and ran it in 33:25 minutes. That even beats my 5K times back when I ran a few races in 2004 and 2005. I've worked really hard to lose a lot of weight, so just completing this run today felt great. It's hard to believe that just 4 and half months ago, I was almost 40 pounds heavier and could barely walk around the grocery store without getting winded. Go me!

I'm already planning my next run. Can't wait to do this again very soon!