Ready or not....

In a few days, we start the process of the girls' pysch evaluations to determine if they are on the autism spectrum,  have aspergers, PDD-NOS, or any other diagnoses to try and find out what, if anything, is causing their developmental and speech delays.

Rachel has the first appointment on Wednesday. Needless to say, my stomach is in knots and I have a lot of anxiety about it. I know this isn't going to change who she is or change our life right now. If anything, I think some sort of diagnoses would only help us to her her. I just can't even describe the sense of overwhelming feelings I am having about this.

It's not just Rachel that I have anxiety about. It's all three. They are my babies. Dealing with the fact that one or all of them could be labeled as "special needs," is heart breaking. I know things could be worse, so I am of course incredibly thankful for their health. But I just want the best for my girls as all mothers would. I don't want them to struggle.

I had a meeting last week with two of the girls' therapists. They know how stressed out I am over the testing and were discussing what to expect as well as how to navigate the girls' upcoming IEP meeting with the school district. This meeting made me realize what an awesome team we have fighting for our girls. Both of the girls' OT's have offered to keep in contact with me after the girls turn three and will no longer be in their program. They want to be there for us to offer advice or just a comforting ear. I am so thankful for them. I know we aren't alone in this.

They also referred me to a local support network for parents of children with special needs. I've already made friends with one of the mom's (Kathy)  in the girls' play gym class who is a member of the network. I'm going to attend one of their get togethers so I can connect with some other local moms going through some of the same things we are. My multiples club has been such a great support to me so I know a similar group for parents of children like mine will be helpful. We've already had a couple of play dates with Kathy and her son, and it's been just what I've needed to feel a sense of normalcy. I know I've said that it's hard not to compare the girls to other toddlers their age, but I always do. On these recent play dates,  I found myself so relaxed and happy hanging out with another mom who totally "gets it" with what we are going through. She and her son are going through the same thing. Both of us mentioned that it felt good not to have to see "normal developing toddlers the same age" and be comparing them the whole time to ours that are somewhat behind.  In fact, Rachel will be in the same preschool program as Kathy's son since we are practically neighbors. I'm glad to have met her.

Sophia and Morgan's appointments are next week. I'm getting myself mentally prepared for whatever news comes our way. I'm going to do my best to remain optimistic.

However, if I eat lots of brownies this week........... um..... I can't be held accountable for it!